Closure

This week has been one that I have been looking forward to with anticipation and great sorrow. I am 39 years old and will never have a biological child. Even though I had the hysterectomy 4 years ago, removing my ovaries on Monday made it official. This whole process started over 27 years ago when I began to get cysts. They were quite painful at times. I was on birth control pills for 12 years to control the pain. Then they found out I. 2004 that I had a blood disorder and needed to come off of them. The pain started back up and I never became pregnant. When Matthew and I started going through infertility treatments, we found out that I had endometriosis. I also found out that I had a second blood disorder. We went through a round of clomid, injection and ultrasounds and did not get pregnant. I had numerous d&cs during this time to clean up the endometriosis. Finally in 2013, I had a uterine ablation. That controlled my pain for about 6 months. Then in April 2014, I had a partial hysterectomy. When they did the culture, they found out I had adenomysosis and that is why I was having so much pain. About a year or so ago, I began to start having severe ovarian pain. I had an ultrasound done and there turned out to be a complex cyst on my right ovary that was larger than a normal ovary. I saw my doctor and we decided that the best course of action was to have them removed. That is where Monday comes in.

I knew that I would not have any biological children after the hysterectomy because of beliefs that my husband holds. But this made it official. I will be so glad that the pain is gone. There is also a part of me that mourns what I will never get to experience. I will never get to feel what it is like to grow a child. I will never feel any of the joys and hardships of pregnancy and delivery. That is the part that really sucks. But I know that God has given me this story to help other women who may be in the same place. I can overcome this mountain. If God is for me, who can be against me.

I have seen the beautiful community that has come around me both online and in person. Please know that I thank God each and everyday for you. Let my story remind you that we all have beautiful children around us that we can be a positive influence for and that you can make it through!