The time that I have spent basically at home have brought forth a lot of issues and things that I have been avoiding. I usually spend my after work time with my friends, family or at my church, but right now, that is not possible. I haven’t had this much time to sit around and think about my life and the direction it is heading. I don’t know what is going to happen, but what I do know is that God is in charge, knows the ending and won’t leave me.
I have been spending time in His Word and in devotion. I have watched the daily check ins and noon prayer with my pastors. I have been focusing on a study that is bringing healing to areas of my life that have needed it for a long time. Those things have been great! I have also been blessed to still be able to work full time for my day job. I have not been any surer of these things.
I have also experienced more anxiety than I have in a long time. I can feel it coming and I try to just feel all the feels, but eventually it gets to be too much. There are times where I feel like I am losing it. I know that my feelings are an indicator of other issues and not to let them rule my mind, but it gets difficult. These are the times where I would like to say that I go and do battle in my prayer closet all of the time. Sometimes I walk around and let the anxiety wear me down until I am too exhausted to keep my eyes open. Situations that were big before are becoming enlarged and in focus now. I do not like this part.
God has been bringing the word, Anchored, into my mind so much during this time. That is why I changed the name of my blog and wrote it on my Bible. I believe this is a time in which God is bringing everything into the light. I believe He is calling me deeper into relationship with Him and wants me to look at every aspect of my life, both good and bad to get down to the basics. Sitting here, writing this blog, feeling everything, listening to music is putting me in a place that is confusing because I don’t know the outcome, yet renewing because I can feel a shift happening in my life. I feel it happening for the world because they are learning just how much is out of our control. I also see the same thing in my own life.
I know I am not the only one going through all of this. I am not the only Enneagram 2, hugger enthusiast, extrovert sitting in her office going crazy because of this upheaval. The thing that I have the most certainty in is that God is on the throne and He sees everything. He did not cause bad things to happen, but He has given us hope. He has also given us 365 examples in the Bible to not be afraid and not to fear. There is a peace that only He can give us. So, join me and look to the One who knows the ending and has us in the palm of His hands.